| delicious American excess |
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| 7:23 24th November 2009 |
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mood: sleepy and full music: like a prayer? thanks .83
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cheese party at A's. i went a little overboard and bought $66 of stuff to bring (starred below). we ate:
-olive bread
-sweet perrin (fig/pear/hazelnut bread)
-homemade cornbread
-baguette
-rosemary crackers*
-stollen
-two types of chevre (one*)
-aged cheddar
-aged gouda
-some type of delicious bleu
-something with orange rind
-fresh mozz balls*
-st. andre*
-brie
-bosc pears*
-roasted salty nuts*
-several types of olives*
-monster capers*
-roasted peppers*
-dolmas*
-various types of beer
-prosecco*
-orange milano cookies*
-scharffen-berger dark chocolate bar
-ritter sports (hazlenut, marzipan)*
-droste dark pastilles*
-rainier cherry/praline pecan dark chocolate bar from seattle chocolates*
yeah. i ate all of that, while laughing with about 8 other people in a little one-bedroom apartment. and then i rolled my overstuffed ass home on the squeaky, protesting bicycle. now i'd rather sleep in, but at least i'm fortified against the workday! thanksgiving precursor! |
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stripe.
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| bloody sunday |
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| 1:15 24th November 2009 |
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ameliorated
x1 getting out of bed soon after hearing caro's door ring-a-ling
x2 suggesting turkish coffee, sipping it before caroline went for a run in the rain
x3 pearsauce bread oh god so delicious
x4 slowly getting ready for the farmers' market
x5 thinking i could tell what caroline was thinking as we stood in line at Besalu. the fair juliette lewis character who works there with the high up nose ring.
x6 caroline's dance across the kitchen floor at the prospect of fried tofu triangles, broccoli, brown rice noodles & peanut sauce. "What did i do to deserve this?"
x7 working on my rack as the sun went down, listening to It Still Moves - "Steam Engine" was in my head.
x8 sitting on the couch reading jena's letter, then getting out my file of old "things friends wrote in electronic form" (i.e. printouts circa 2003 and prior) and reading caroline some of jena's old sincerelyjedi posts from back when i first "met" her. talking about how great it is to have a penpal for that long...
x9 getting frustrated to the point of tears about not being able to figure out why i couldn't tighten my brakes, then having it explained to me better and making use of the extra two hands of my roommate, getting really excited, and realizing i probably have pms.
x10 eating way, way, way too much. watching an episode of arrested development with c-lion on the couch. domestic bliss? |
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stripe.
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| 3:35 21st November 2009 |
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"like a prayer" running through my head. thinking of laura and how she pouted at the boxcar that night and how she warmed up, finally. skinny thing. thinking of all the ladies i danced with tonight and the ringing in my ears. the sound of my breath as i pushed and pulled the pedals on the way home. the rush and squeal of the trains in the yard. i'm sleeping on the couch tonight. |
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stripe.
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| waiting for the train |
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| 17:59 20th November 2009 |
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mood: cough cough music: to the east!
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thursday:
10+ sleeping in to aid my immune system. waking from dreams of former crushes, camping, "cock feel cocky" kisses and sleepovers, awkies, and dreams of telling jody about those dreams
9+ riding to work in the windy rain while sick- perhaps not the best idea, but fun. wet tights inside my boots = cold.
8+ driving to Costco with Kay and Kate: more with the morbidly obese. discovering that they sell gigantic hunks of Beecher's flagship cheese for CHEAP. the only thing that could convince me to get a Costco account?
7+ speaking into the phone at work with deep-sultry-sick-voice.
6+ spending most of the day processing the first roommate-conflict-email. watching how my emotions shifted.
5+ busing home next to two tween girls. one comments on how it sucks when everyone sits silently on the bus, not talking to each other or anyone. this girl is talkative. i turn my head to smile in acknowledgment of my own silence, and the 2nd girl, seated next to me, looks into my eyes gravely, almost apologetically. slowly picking up on the dynamic between these "friends" - the shy, deliberate one wishing that the louder, frivolous one would hush up. the shy one, vulnerable to humiliation. i relate to this one, and we share at least one more meaningful glance before the two depart.
4+ walking past the Majestic Bay wishing, again, that i could just step in out of the rain to watch a movie. make the decision to come back for the 4:50 showing of A Serious Man... then later rushing back to the theater, taking a seat in the very last row, enjoying the rhythmic click of the film in the projector. A Serious Man. Not the best Coen film, but very enjoyable. leaving the last scene, of a tornado, to go out into a blustery rain, and feeling that awesome disorientation of being temporarily stuck in the film
3+ Incompetence at the Bartell's on 22nd. Funny-looking staff members (and customers) who can't seem to find anything.
2+ A calming set of dishes done, trying to brainstorm cleaning rules.
1+ making pear sauce at home after the movie, eating the first food of the day (a clementine, then two corn tortillas with hommus, labne, and kale salad); washing up, preparing for bed, chatting on the phone to jae while folding laundry, and retiring with my laptop to write 10 things for wednesday, feeling pretty good. |
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| 22:47 19th November 2009 |
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wednesday, humpty hump. november 19.
1- rushing into the staff meeting feeling self conscious for being ten minutes late. listening to coworkers repeat themselves to an absurd degree- to people getting defensive- to timid ones attempting to speak out- to nearly senile ones chewing their words. slightly disturbed at how little i cared.
2- the guy who gave me a light as i rushed to puff in the five minutes i had before desk hour.
3- happy to get emails from jody wanting to meet up for lunch (seeing her on a day she wasn't working with me == super exciting). thinking how interesting it is that via email we're able to make plans & execute them within fifteen minutes. heading to araya's for buffet even though i felt i'd already eaten enough calories monday-tuesday to last me the whole week. riding over there in my striped button-down & brown accessories.
4- thinking about the "morbidly obese" .. how many people openly express discomfort and disgust about it, about them (including jody) .. wondering how my feelings have changed since i wrote my "fat" paper in high school
5- riding home in rain to meet up with joanna. feeling a cold coming on in the back of my throat.
6- talking about Ruhlman's pretzels, Quinn's, food in general with JB on the ref desk. (this might have happened on tuesday.) later utilizing his muscles to help me move tables into the back room...
7- doing the combination to the lock box (the 3rd one had my loot) outside Alchemy in SoDo. new bag! exciting! riding through more rain to GLC for food.
8- the way caroline had rearranged the furniture. again sensing slight dissonance. discussing the kitchen situation. feeling kind of like a jerk.
9- tofu caesar salad. YOM.
10- bumping into henry & amanda at cupcake royale. cramming cupcake into my hole. dumb. washing it down with tea at home. |
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| 16:41 18th November 2009 |
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tuesday moments:
- cycling into work: shirtless, shoeless guy in bike shorts with panniers coming from the gas station down shilshole onto the trail. i eventually passed him: beard and ponytail. slipping, swerving (but not falling) on the rubber track crossing on the trail. recumbent guy with a red cape thing around his bike, so it looked like he was inside a pod/kite. narrowly missing a plop of bird shit as i neared the university.
-- manual labor: moving heavy tables covered with heavy stuff- pushing, pulling, bumping with my bum. lifting boxes up to the top shelf, lifting boxes off a truck, general shiftiness (this may have happened wednesday).
--- sandra stepping up: deciding that we are going to start moving stuff this week. getting defensive.
---- working/half working late, past seven. packing up my CSA produce. going out to red square to say hi to the guys, and finding no bikes on the wet bricks
----- rushing up to the fifth floor to help price baked goods for the Library Staff Association bake/book/craft sale. setting aside some choice items, running to the ATM, coming back spending $15 on three books, lemon bars, chocolate cheesecake, soda bread, a greeting card of the big boots, and gluten free cookies for caro.
-|---- chatting on the phone to mom as i walked home from the bus stop.
-|-|--- happy to be home to caro, smelling her beef stew, handing her a cooked potato, making hommus with too much tahini accidentally, big salad making time
-|-|-|-- talking about being bloated from all the beans and veggies in the minestrone; which led to watching the south park queef episode giggles
-|-|-|-|- department of eagles radio as we cooked
-|-|-|-|-| failing at going to bed on time again.
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monday:
usability testing - the way the dude just kept going back to the search box over and over and over; the way he kept marking the tasks as easy and told us a bunch of bullshit at the end like he wanted to get a good grade
cornbread - fresh from the oven, buttered
cookies - too many at work! nasty.
talking about this practice (of writing twn moments) w/ donna, and the benefit of reading L&L, how it lets me feel more normal and put some distance between my "self" and my behavior
home - finding the beard and c-lion eating soup and cornbread on the floor - bikes hung on the walls - watching an episode of south park - goofy!
goodwill rush, no time to try clothes on, split second decisions - three pairs of shoes - walking the bike home down sixty-fifth with my big ol bag.
greenlake ride-by after futile trip to fast girl, worrying for the first time about riding in traffic with no helmet, but feeling how fun it was riding through rain in tights, hitching up my skirt
preoccupied with "limerence" at work
fashion show of my goodwill booty with - so tired - caro dubs the skirts "bootylicious"
buying a bike bag from Alchemy online, buying parts to make my rack fit over the phone. buy buy buy. |
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| on the 15th there was no sun |
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| 22:20 16th November 2009 |
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! waking up on the air mattress too early, to the sound of caroline making tea.
@ committed to gluten-free, vegan gingerbread waffles. pear-apple-cardamom compote. spending 15 minutes scraping waffles off the iron; batter didn't have enough butter in it, obv.
# looking in caroline's eyes and telling her she is an intrinsically amazing being. hugs.
$ chopping chopping chopping beautiful vegetables for spontaneous minestrone, with a throwback to 1999 (listening to Disintegration!)
% smiling because people were waiting in line for the bulk spice section at ballard market; purchasing an oil spritzer to avoid further problems with the waffle iron.
^ making a fruitless trip to Second Ascent in the rain. wishing i was independently wealthy.
& trying pushups for the first time since i got my shoulder back: squeezed out a pathetic ten.
* sorting through all my comida fotos and getting sentimental over food memories. i want to cook more again.
( caroline emerging from her room after bed in the Margot furs. Hard giggles.
!) being a clumsy ox making pie crust dough with Rebekah and Ginger, with Una running around. |
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stripe.
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| wandering |
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| 14:29 16th November 2009 |
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mood: am i actually getting sick? music: journey
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saturday the 14th was a beautiful day:
&1 waking up on the couch to the sight of caroline emerging from her bedroom and tossing me a slightly exasperated look. feeling slightly ashamed. leaving the house for my appointment in the CD without being able to shake the sense that she was annoyed at me, later alleviated by the text "Get yourself some hot tea, hottea!"
$2 meeting Martina, the woman who sewed my panniers. i found her small house, rang the bell, and heard the vacuum going inside, which for a while prevented her from hearing me out there. with abounding mutual enthusiasm she showed me her workspaces and the bags i'd come by to pick up. i couldn't be happier with them, nor the circumstances of the whole situation. so pleased to have contributed to her income. 100% positive-to-the-point-of-awkward interactions, yay!
&3 trying to figure out the best way to get back up to Fremont to indulge my craving for Flying Apron, i wandered down Thomas St to 23rd, which afforded me a slight mountain view and a moment to notice the bright yellow star-shaped leaves plastered everywhere. The people playing soccer in the field by the community center. Feeling in love with Seattle, again.
$4 Sitting in Flying Apron after finishing my coffee and scone, noticing the well-appointed, tousle-haired, lip-pierced dad and his adorable toddling daughter about to take a seat at the next table; then noticing the gorgeous young woman on the far side of that table who was also noticing the pair. Feeling compelled to record the details of their beauty, getting out my notebook, mulling about gender, parenthood, and attraction.
&5 Brunch at Silence Heart Nest with BTM - the bald, chubby waiter who captivated my attention. He seemed to be on something: sitting awkwardly near the door, sweating, eyes and attention darting around, and yet a vaguely pleasant expression on his face. he didn't wait on our table; he seemed almost useless as a staff person.
$6 Riding in BTM's Chevy to the Top Banana stand at 65th & 15th, to pick up some tomatoes and take advantage of their crazy deal on pomegranates. We wandered through the warmly lit space picking out produce, and about the time I headed toward the dude in a hoodie waiting at the checkout, "Don't stop believin'" came on the radio. BTM's laughter, the immediate impulse to sing along, and a swell of memories and emotions surrounding my time with .83, the many nights of karaoke, and the sense of shared experience filled me up. The cashier guy smiled a bit, and the volume increased. To the left, dude-in-a-hoodie #2 was turning up the volume on the stereo and we smiled at him. He commented that Kanye West pulled out this song at his concert, and the entire crowd sang along. The four of us in that space together, the rainy weather outside, the season, the neighborhood, our separateness.. it was definitely A Moment.
&7 the entire Carmina Burana experience: daniel knocking on the kitchen window, startling me. cooking potato curry & yellow split peas, rice. talking heads radio singalong. limerent lady-friend dishing. putting on my sexiest dress and accepting daniel's flattery, posing for photos. bus. starbucks line, coat check, sharing a sweet drink hoping to keep ourselves awake after that dinner. rushing in the bathroom with a minute before showtime and accidentally pissing on my nylons (i found it amusing; blame the UTI?). daniel nodding off in the first half, my mind elsewhere. Nobody really cared about those pieces anyway- could anyone say they were /not/ there to hear Carmina Burana?! checking out all the hot and not-so-hot ladies in the lobby at intermission. putting cash in the box for the coffee; daniel's curdled cream, grimace. noticing men glancing at my non-cleavage cleavage. the baritone who also sang tenor. the chubby kid in the child chorus. the soprano's glowing skin and lovely facial structure, her red dress, her deltoids. the fucking percussion, the bass drum and its master, a bony fellow with long grey hair and bangs. transfixed, hands clasped at my chest. Music!
$8 seeing the dude bobbing down the aisle of the bus, grooving, baseball cap cocked to one side, baggy leather jacket under his gesturing arms. surprise as he stopped and socked the guy sitting next to me and laughed. they exchanged handshakes. i couldn't tell at first if they actually knew each other or if dancing dude was crazy. then the following interaction:
dancing dude: "I can't tell which one you are!"
seat companion: "[mumble.]"
dd: "Oh yeah, you're the quiet one, eh?"
sc: "Yeah. heh."
dd: "How's your brother doing?"
sc: "Great!"
dd: "Really? Say hi to him for me, alright?"
sc: "I did! He was glad to hear you're in Seattle."
dd: "I was glad to hear I'm in Seattle too, until I got slapped with child support!"
Jeni: [makes second instance of eye contact with dd, and a snarky smirk. looks away.]
dd: "And is this your lady?"
sc: "No..."
Jeni: [shakes head with smile]
sc: "I /am/ sitting next to her on the bus though." [turns to Jeni] "Hi."
dd: "Well, she's pretty anyway."
&9 looking out the window as the bus stopped for a wheelchair. Three young guys hanging out there- hoodies, tan cords, black and white checkered vans, a nice hat. All of a sudden two of them start dancing wildly, flailing arms and legs in manic succession, bouncing every which way. They bounce into third friend, who stands calmly texting with a smile on his face. Bounce into him repeatedly, grabbing him, running off, grabbing him again, until they sandwich him and drag him to the side. He finishes his text message and abruptly busts out to join the other two in flailing madness. Smiling at them through the glass.
$10 home to see c-line cleaning up the kitchen, cleaning up my cooking mess. telling her how pretty she looked, seeing the frustration in her eyes. freaking out about jobs and money. feeling like the irresponsible kid as she went to bed around midnight and i stayed up g-chatting on the couch for hours without even noticing the time. |
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| 17:39 13th November 2009 |
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12 november, thursday: ten moments
+ seeing clango's photo of poor man's noodles, which forced me to get dinner at Thai Tom before riding home, which found me sitting at the counter reading and admiring the cook there: the way he somehow keeps track of who each order is for, without seeing us actually place our orders, and the speed at which he wrangles the woks. he smiled at me, genuinely. i watched his lean, sinewy, hairless arms darting, shoveling, scraping, scooping, tossing.
% hearing my voice in the technical services meeting, reluctant but resolute, going over the notes from the previous week's discussion about accession numbering systems and accession tracking
~ sitting silently, head in hands, listening to jody compassionately discuss with nan the pain of seeing your children go through depression
& craig's voice on the telephone from Denver, with my hands plunged into dishwater.
@ the luxurious comfort of curling up on the couch with a book, a bowl of apple slices with peanut butter, and quiet music on the speakers
♀ the weirdness of my boss' boss asking me if "we need to talk?" and if i'm "happy in [my] work?" more evidence that they are paranoid that i will quit. no doubt this is due to the "sick" day i took on monday.
§ delicious coffee and fun ride to work with the beard close on my heels
☺ dutifully copying my letter to jena for the personal archives despite my extraordinarily drowsy state
↔ standing outside Suzzallo in the sun with Yenny listening to her good news re: graduation, and seeing cute jody approach across the square. how i love unexpected convergences of friends.
# going to bed for the first time on the new couch under double blankets:: bliss. |
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4 stripes -stripe.
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| quickly, swiftly |
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| 0:06 13th November 2009 |
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music: ...still clientele
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wednesday the 11th - veterans' day
1_the breathtaking, incredibly beautiful views rolling through Interlaken park at sunrise, on my way home from J's to meet C-lion in Fremont at Flying Apron- the cool damp air, green, bare branches, autumn colors down below and pointed pines, the campus, the canal, the cars. passing by so many beautiful houses on the way that it was absurd; thinking i must bring Jae here.
2_eating a berry scone at flying apron and almost ordering another one. hibernation appetite has arrived.
3_tasting a cold fig from the tree in J's backyard, finding it unappealing, throwing it to the ground like a certain ice cream cone out of the past...
4_sunlight in the apartment: yogurt with date syrup
5_writing to jena and joshua, finally, on the loveseat as two cute people ate apples & cheese & wine on the floor in front of me.
6_James the couch owner's voice on the phone, comically deadpan
7_James the couch owner in person (after a brief detour under the ballard bridge): "You should get rain pants. It'll change your life."
8_overpriced pizza at Zeek's in Phinney to pass the time while I waited for the ziptruck to come available; reading about Special Collections' processing policies and practices, and actually finding it interesting
9_maneuvers of couch-gettin' with c-line, the beard and the self = several rotations, moving the fridge, scraping the door frame, attempting to remove the feet, and finally realizing we were doing it wrong.
10_C's cute voice calling from the other room: Jeni! Is Facebook Weird? "YES!" Okay, I Just Wanted To Make Sure It Wasn't Only Me. |
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| ten for! |
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| 17:06 6th November 2009 |
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mood: chilly feet music: murder in michigan
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thursday 5th nov.
1. Guy with the yellow-green-red striped helmet, yellow fenders and orange jacket who checked out my bike when stopped at the Stone Way light. He asked me "Is that the _____" and I had to give away my ignorance. he said "oh," and nodded with an understanding smirk.
2. the glorious, better-than-ever tall yellow trees lining the canal, in Fremont on the Burke. Not stopping to take a photo.
3. sad to find that jody had stayed home sick; ate a lemon-oat scone & coffee by myself, leaning on the wall near the receptacles of Suzzallo Espresso
4. white horse pre-func featuring: meade, Samuel Smith's Oatmeal Stout, classy old-timey furnishings, and plenty of teh awkward
5. four pitchers, five fun people at Linda's, after abandoning the somewhat pathetic .83 rain ride to monica's door, hula hula, and crescent
6. mock-chatting underage boys loitering outside the bar
7. ride-by butt-pinch!
8. chair dancing. booth-dancing, that is.
9. screamin' hail thunderstorm ride downhill, sliding onto my side as i turned the curve onto Roanoke. soaked to the bone.
10. doing morning dishes while eating cereal from a bowl balanced on a wine glass |
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stripe.
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| the ten things thing. |
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| 14:22 4th November 2009 |
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mood: longing music: department of eagles, no one does it like you
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i really want to start doing this again. so simple and so helpful.
for tuesday, 3rd November
1+ making breakfast with an egg-in-the-hole virgin
2+ admiring the carrots in my produce box. fresh carrots are infinitely better than grocery store carrots.
3+ an unlikely trio of men boarding the bus by I-5 and leaving soon thereafter in search of cheap drinks. One with a loud and rough voice, who was given the free seat. one with a cane but no obvious difficulty standing or walking, who told rough-voice "Hey- no swearing allowed."
4+ laughing at Rebekah's advice to Stephanie on how to make an ex jealous, and her reference to awkward situations like driving a boyfriend's new truck and identifying as a social-workin'-baker.
5+ the tasty, interesting pea dip with deep fried scoops/cups made of plantains, and the drink with chunks of ginger at La Isla
6+ listening to my autumn mix cd over and over while writing to jena, chatting on gmail, and texting. communication addiction.
7+ standing outside with the full moon smoking a leftover cigarette from halloween at nearly midnight, wondering about the part of me that likes to do unhealthy things
8+ projected-election-results excitement for the gays and the cyclists (i.e. me!)
9+ the pale-faced, crooked-smile woman who commented to me as i exited the bus "you've got your organic veggies to take home!"
10+ the unsettling realization that my glasses are not where i remember putting them last, nor anywhere else i can see.
for monday 2nd november
~1. waffling over what to wear. heels? chucks? striped sweater tee? sexy polkadot shirt? all of the above.
~2. reviewing the events of the past crazy week; talking about sorting out what i want, with Donna. i guess that's what i'm doing, in an offhand way.
~3. being completely stupid at work, writing handfuls of emails to friends, gushing, chatting on the phone, discovering that i could use comp time to come in late the next day, worthless filled with anticipation. wondering about that, the state i get worked up into. want to start reading that book BTM gave me. feeling stressed about my workload but unable to tell myself no.
~4. riding the wrong way out of distraction and getting stuck with a bunch of stairs. goofy.
~5. the sadness of seeing Hillside Quickies all dark inside.
~6. spicy pumpkin beer @ Big time, and nachos with already-stiff cheese. as usual.
~7. how lovely greenlake looked, blue under the full moon, motionless, reflecting all the incandescent yellow streetlights, the wet on the roof of those garages
~8. the way it feels when you're walking a plank and look down and get paralyzed, then suddenly overcome it and jerk legs into motion - the relief of feeling, for the moment, how simple & easy it is. and then the next choke.
~9. a single duck in the water quacking like a man.
~10. the absolutely glorious foliage (still!) in the trees on the canal, on my commute. the thrill of autumn. |
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stripe.
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| having a roommate |
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| 12:03 29th October 2009 |
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mood: chilly & itchy, rare music: dirty three radio
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means having someone bring me a glass of red wine as i sat on the couch, someone changing up the music from jeff buckley to grizzly bear to hedwig to elliot smith, someone to hear giggling over an entertaining website, someone to gossip with, comment on random thoughts with, and someone who'll follow you into the bathroom just because you went to brush your teeth, sit perched on the dresser behind you munching honey-roasted peanuts in silence. at least, that's what it means to have caroline as your roommate.
also: i miss jae. |
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stripe.
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| insert awe here |
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| 16:12 28th October 2009 |
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i fucking love fall. campus, and everything, the dead leaves getting kicked around, the dying leaves flaring or quietly glowing against buildings, water, and sky; all of it tugs at the heart. reminds me of an image, which i've held onto in the form of a greeting card since i saw it at a random antiques/gift shop in hartland, mi at age 17. i can't find a copy of that particular image on the interwebs but here's a relevant sample of the artist (Ida Rentoul Outhwaite)'s work.
Yes, i'm new agey sometimes. |
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5 stripes -stripe.
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| 23:46 13th October 2009 |
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mood: ill with sad. music: beach house
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saw my public livejournal just now and the entry at the top. it makes me cry. we don't want things to change. |
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stripe.
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| 9:52 10th June 2009 |
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i am so, so deliciously happy. it's ridiculous. |
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3 stripes -stripe.
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| mercury retrograde |
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| 17:02 4th June 2009 |
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a friend told me about mercury retrograde last weekend.
now suddenly i'm aware that a lot more loss and separation happened last month, and especially the past couple of weeks, than is 'normal'... and wow, i don't know, it's crazy.
but.. my life is good! |
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stripe.
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| 8:34 12th May 2009 |
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music: jose gonzalez - save your day
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long, intense dream of horrifying streetfights in seattle, getting arrested & escaping, cats with gut-eating parasites, and people i've never met, living by the sea.
andrew in a mini tent inside a gigantic tent.
a girl with neurological balance problems like sara.
a sketchy bearded man who double-crossed me because he mistook my approach as flirtation.
a volunteer cop as the only one who would listen to my clues about the people who started the horrifying streetfights.
---
my bus friend got fired. i kind of miss him always greeting me in a different language. |
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stripe.
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| mid-night-mares |
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| 8:39 28th April 2009 |
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mood: guilty for not working music: neko
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so, i forgot that i had mixed up the bread dough for baking when i got home from work, and didn't get home from work until 9:30pm due to goodwill shopping and beer with jon. i had no choice but to do some late night baking.
so, i got it set to rise and went to sleep. set the alarm for two hours, which was about 12:30. got up and preheated the oven/pot, then went back to sleep for the requisite 25 minutes.
except, during that time i had a nightmare which set my heart pounding with adrenaline so hard that it woke me. it was a striking dream and i wanted to write about it here, contradicting my post yesterday.
so, in the dream it was a pitch-dark night. i was waiting for some kind of sea-bus. a bus stop on the seashore. i felt kind of like an old hag, with a walking stick and swaths of clothes draped over me. there was a semi-large man kneeling in front of the bus stop bench talking to two young women who sat there. i could tell from his words and his behavior that he was slightly but not fully off-kilter, and seemed to be taking advantage of the passivity of these ladies. so i stepped up and said "Just stop. Stop talking to them. You know they don't want to hear it. Just move on, go stand over there and talk to yourself." I remember feeling tough about it, knowing i was acting aggressive, and not caring. I didn't want the dude bugging those girls.
he glared at me for a moment but stood up and walked away. i saw him standing slightly off on the beach, repeatedly lighting matches that would blow out in the wind almost immediately. then he started moving back around, far away enough from the bench that i wasn't worried but was ready to pounce anyway, thinking he might try to do something with those matches, light the girls' hair on fire, or whatever.
he passed by and moved down toward the water where some other people were standing. i couldn't see anything but for the brief flares of the matches he kept lighting. he must have been 100 feet away. i started pacing in the sand and felt my feet sinking into it, wet sand on a windy rainy night. then i heard a scream from the left and looked to see the man with a middle-aged woman in a blue outfit hoisted over his shoulder. i only had a glimpse before his match went out. he was running with her toward the water. i knew immediately that he meant to try and drown her. i bolted toward the water but in the black i knew i couldn't be sure to target his location and the idea that i wouldn't get there in time to stop him ripped through me. this was the point, before i reached the water in the blackness, that i woke up from a pounding heart.
even after i took care of the bread, i had a hard time falling back asleep after that incident.
so eerie it was, that scene.. waiting in the dead of night for a sea-bus.. the flicker of matches flaring up and blowing out. |
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1 stripe -stripe.
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stripedlight's journal